How To Disclose your STI status.
Disclosing your STI status can feel intimidating. So here are some tips on how to have the conversation.
When do I tell them?
Before any sexual contact has occurred. The reason being is that people need to know what risks they are taking when being sexually active. They are entitled to make an informed decision around their own sexual health, so it’s up to us to be open and honest before hand.
At a time where you aren't rushing through the conversation. Create time to have the conversation. Times that are unhelpful to disclose include: when either of you are about to leave, when you’ve already become sexual, when you’re intoxicated with drugs or alcohol.
How do I tell them?
Be honest and direct. Don’t skirt around it and hesitate, speak confidently.
Do not apologise for your STI status. You are not shameful, or at fault. People get STI’s, it happens!
Avoid stigmatising language. Don’t describe yourself or others as good, bad, clean or dirty.
What if they react poorly?
Educate yourself with medically accurate information and stick to facts. Speak to a GP if you want to know more.
Provide resources for the other person to learn more. This might include information on any medication you’re taking, and what safer sex practices are best.
Give people time to process any internalised stigma. People aren’t perfect.
Seek support for your own emotional response. If someone has reacted poorly, remember that’s not about you, it’s about their own conditioning.
What to say:
“Before anything happens, it's really important that I let you know about my STI status. I need you to know I have HSV-2. I'm on daily medication and don't currently have any flare ups.”
“I'm really looking forward to tonight, but before anything happens, I need to let you know I'm HIV positive, and on PrEp. Do you have any questions about that?”
“Sexual health is really important to me, before anything happens let's talk about our STI statuses.”
“Can we talk about how often we get tested? I get tested every 3 months, what about you?”
STI’s are very common, and unfortunately we do not discuss out STI status as openly as we need to. Lets normalise talking about STI statuses out of respect for our own, and someone else sexual health.
